I’m Not Saying Americans Are Stupid, But… …Update

Posted on November 3, 2010


As god awful as the Democrats are, the nation’s voters have voted them out of office—for not being worse. That’s the message that Democrats will get while they’re soaking their tired feet in epsom salt and holding a cold compress to their aching skulls. What did they do right? Well, they kept wars on the burner–check. They continued to vilify Muslims and make jingoistic appeals to American exceptionalism and chauvinism–check. They continued to wage war on even the mildest popular reforms in Latin America–check. They let corporations chart the course of the bailouts and health care reform–check. Yes, in all these areas, they outbagged the teabaggers.

What did they do wrong? Well, they should have bombed Iran by now. That, and they’re socialists who backed a Black radical for President. How do we know they’re socialists? Well, they’re not Republicans. How do we know Obama’s  a Black radical? Well, he’s Black. That’s one. Then, he’s not a Republican, two. The only thing the Democrats can do to reverse this perception is to put spurs on their combat boots, pork-pie a Stetson around their kevlar helmets and light the fuse of an old-fashioned Wile E. Coyote rocket emblazoned with the line “Muzlimistan or Bust” with a stack of blazing one million dollar bills while singing misremembered portions of the constitution to the tune of Toby Keith’s “Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue”.

The teabaggers mission—to make sure that only Republicans are allowed to oversee an imperial oligarchy designed with ever-greater precision to transfer wealth from the poorer to the richer–is one step closer to fruition.


If you really want a great snapshot of how dead-dumb as a doorknob the American electorate is, well sit down folks, and pull out your hankies. Just one week ago, a Pew Research Poll found that:

–59% of Likely Voters Want to Allow More Offshore Drilling off of America’s Coasts

–51% of Likely Voters Want to Change Social Security to Allow Private Accounts

Yes, that’s right. Despite the fact that the stock market crashed repeatedly in the past ten years, likely voters wanted to gamble their safety-net on the Dow Jones and on stock market based retirement accounts. And despite the billions of dollars that the BP Gulf Disaster will cause us and every successive generation down to our great, great, great mutated ape-like grandchildren, close to two thirds of America’s voters want more chances to destroy their country, its ecosystem and the ecosystems of neighboring countries. You couldn’t make this up even if you were trying your hardest to write a new national stupid-joke.

There is one shining light in this abyss, however. After tomorrow, there will will be ever dwindling reasons for Arnold Schwarzenegger to be in front of an image capturing device of any kind.

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